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Thursday, 29 October 2015

Saying Goodbye to my Twenties

While this may not be my usual post for a vegan blog, I feel that I want to document this moment and share it with all of you.

As I sit here and think about these being my last few hours in my twenties, so many things come to mind. Without making myself sound ridiculous, I am scared. Unlike most children who couldn't wait to grow up, I was more of the Peter Pan type, I wanted to stay a child forever. I remember the day before my 16th birthday and just being overwhelmed with anxiety. To me, growing older means more responsibility, less fun, more chores, more bills, etc.

Thirty, now that's a big number, much bigger than 29. Ridiculous, no? I can't help this impending doom I feel. I feel like I have failed somehow...

I still don't have a career. I work a job that, while I am good at, I am quite unhappy with. Sometimes I feel my brain melting into the sleeve of the shirt I am inspecting. I live in a small apartment in what some people consider the "bad part" of Dartmouth. It's just my husband, my two cats, hamster and myself. I do love my little family. I have known since I was a child I didn't want to have children, except the furry kind of course. So in that sense, I am not unfulfilled. I happen to like Dartmouth, even if the bus is annoying to take, it gets me to where I need to go. I have got to do some moderate traveling. I lived in the Yukon for 5 years, visited Alaska, Seattle, Las Vegas, California, the Grand Canyon, Hawaii and drove across Canada seeing every province but Newfoundland and the other two territories. I have a best friend who I love with every piece of me, she lives in Las Vegas but we are still tighter than ever. She's truly a kindred spirit and gets me through my toughest hour. I have met dozens of amazing people through work, activism and online outlets.

I have made friends, lost friends, probably got a few enemies along the way. I have grown a fan base for myself, which I never imagined possible. I talk to people all over the world right at my fingertips. I receive some of the most amazing comments anyone could ever ask for and I am deeply grateful for the support of the community I have built myself.

I have overcome one of the biggest tribulations of my life. Living with mental illness, no I am not cured for there is no cure but when I look back to where I was 5 years ago and see myself today, I am a completely different person. I feel like maybe my twenties was the time to figure out who I am and I think I finally found me.

I am strong, compassionate, dedicated, loyal, passionate, stubborn, moody, hardworking, lovable, fun, sentimental, caring, empathetic, artistic, kind and so much more.

The question is: what do I really want? I have been asking myself since I was still in elementary school. My mind was always burdened by some big decision that I didn't even know existed. I tend to think I am just going to be a wanderer forever. 

It's hard to say goodbye to this decade but I hope to embrace my thirties and find even more of myself. I truly believe with each year of my life, I have grown stronger and wiser.

When your grandmother told you life is short, she wasn't lying. These past 30 years have gone like a blink of an eye. I can only hope that these small flashes have been imprinted somewhere in history. That my existence will mean something. That I can in my own way change the world for the better.

I want to read more, write more, focus even more energy on growing The Vegan Peach, laugh more, hug more, meet new people, have brilliant conversations, see new places and become even stronger.

Thank you for taking this journey with me, whether you were here from the beginning or are just joining me now, let's rock this new decade!

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